Yesterday wasn’t my best day, I ate very well in work and although I noticed my sugary snack cravings have reduced, I felt fat in my work pants. Cue the bulimia monster to taunt me all day that this is the price for eating ‘normally’ and I won’t fit into my wedding dress…
I cycled to and from work yesterday and was rather hungry when I arrived home, I ate a small plate of pasta and Bombay potato, random combination I know but It’s the end of the month and anything goes in our house. I had planned to go for a run but didn’t make it so spent the rest of the night feeling lousy, fat and lazy.
Today was much better, I had a great day at work and told myself I was definitely going to do some exercise when I got home. I feel like I’ve gained weight and it has taken the feel good factor out of my usual exercise routine. I’ve also started doubting my fitness ability. I’ve ran at least twenty half marathon’s over the past two years, I have one coming up in September and I suddenly find myself thinking can I do this?
Anyway, I gave my head a shake and reassured the bulimia monster that my eating disorder does not have the power to take away my fitness levels. I didn’t go for a run but I did go for an 18 mile bike ride, I found my happy place again and was reassured that I’m still if fairly fit!
I had a light dinner today and lots of asparagus, I don’t think my mind can cope with heavy food of an evening, I’m not quite there yet!
I’m feeling proud tonight because I’ve officially reached my 3rd Bulimia free week and tomorrow I have my telephone assessment for Cognitive behavioural therapy and there’s a Bulimia support group next Thursday which I’m going along to.
My partner spoke to me today, he told me how proud he is that I’m facing my demons and he said I’ve inspired him. At the age of 33 he has requested a dyslexia test from his employer. He revealed that his dyslexia is something he’s always tried to hide and felt ashamed of but he finally has the confidence to ask for help. I’m so proud of him!
Today’s Mantra: Exercise clears the mind
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